I’m a SAHM not a housewife!

Before we had children’s and I was working full time, I remember having a conversation with Stu and agreeing that if I were to give up work that I’d take on most of the housework, shopping and general running of the house as that seemed only fair.

Fast forward and we have both realised that being the stay at home parent is not the job we envisaged. I think it’s important to dispelΒ the myth that all SAHPs do is sit around drinking tea. I wish. In fact, since my girls stopped napping, I now have less time to myself than ever before.

Team twindividuals works best when both mummy and daddy value the roles they play. For now that means, Stu bringing in the bread. He is financially supporting us and actually bringing home the bread with the shopping. My part entails caring for and nurturing our girls.

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Although that sounds pretty airy fairy, by staying at home, I have more time to enrich their day to day lives with puzzles and crafts, stories and den making. Toddler groups, gym sessions and trips to the farm are so valuable and I’m more than happy to leave piles of washing and unmade beds to give them these experiences.

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While I was pregnant, we got a cleaner and when we were considering me giving up work, that was a luxury we thought would go but in fact there were many more luxuries I was prepared to sacrifice before this one. Expensive clothes, a new phone and lots of take aways are much less important to me than the time I get back from having a domestic goddess.

I read another mummy say that when you have children you either need to lower your standards or get help. My standards are already pretty low but the few hours a fortnight we have mean I know all the basics are covered and I just need to keep on top of the day to day mess.

Acknowledging that it’s not my job alone to keep the house spick and span also means that if on the odd occasion our girls are playing nicely that I can actually have 10 minutes of me time. Whether that is working on my blog, scrolling Facebook or browsing eBay, I don’t think I should feel guilty that I’m not manically scrubbing toilets or vacuuming the lounge.

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I feel incredibly previledged to be in the position that I can choose to stay home with my girls in these early years and even more lucky to be to afford help. For many juggling a job, childcare and running a house is the reality and to you I take off my hat.

In this house, we are a team and so sharing the chores that make our household run smoothly seems fair to us both. While he’s washing up, I’ll be wiping highchairs and sweeping up. For now we’ve got the balance just about right but it’s taken quite some time to adjust to our new roles.

How do you share chores or do you think the stay at home parent should do the lion’s share? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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40 thoughts on “I’m a SAHM not a housewife!

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  1. There’s so much to do. The housekeeping on top of managing the kids seems to happen around the edges and everyone needs to muck in. I’m hoping to teach my little one how to clean as soon as possible! #PostsFromTheHeart

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  2. Couldn’t agree more! I’m on maternity and had no idea how much time would be spent each day with a baby – I thought I’d be a domestic goddess (ha!) but I’m spending more and more time wondering whether to invest in a cleaner. I also feel bad for making my husband share in the chores when I ‘should’ be getting them done – but this post has really helped me see it from a better and more logical viewpoint! Thank you for being so honest and open, it’s really helped πŸ™‚ #blogstravaganza

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    1. I used to feel guilty for trying to share chores but realised the reason I’m staying home is not to race around and tidy but to be home with them…or more often not home. The cleaning can wait and if you can afford it I highly recommend a cleaner. Mine is like superwoman. I don’t know how she does it so fast.

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  3. Really great read and my hubby works long hours in London so most of the childcare and household bits are down to me. I muddle through and with three boys it’s a real muddle hahaha

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  4. I’m a SAHM who has a cleaner everyday 8-4!!! Sundays I do my own dishes haha. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, my sons are happy and I get to spend so much time with them. I’m constantly with my kids, I don’t get a single break as we are expats and I have no family around. I’m not going to feel guilty for letting myself have the luxury of someone cleaning my house. Saying that mind, I still always seem to be tidying up, the boys are like hurricanes. And I do all the cooking and even the ironing, so I can’t be that bad haha!!! #PostsFromTheHeart

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      1. Well she’s not exactly cleaning the whole time, although we live in Africa and it’s incredibly dusty. Everything just gets so much dirtier here. Right now she is outside on the trampoline while I prepare dinner haha! The boys adore her and I get to have a breather now and again πŸ™‚ x x

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  5. It’s a nice theory that being at home means you can do most of the housework, but I 100% agree with you, in practice that is not so straight forward. Not at all. By the time I occupied the child today, drove round for an hour whilst he napped, fed, bathed and generally kept him from killing himself I had time to do one load of laundry, that’s it!

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  6. I am a SAHM and also home educate my kids so I don’t get a minute to myself until the evening. My husband works long hours so I don’t really think it’s fair for him to do chores round the house as well. I do it all myself, with a little help from the kids. #PostsFromTheHeart

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  7. I remember well thinking I was going to take on everything around the house, as well as looking after the kids after I left my job to be a SAHM. Well that lasted all of about 3 days! I’m seriously considering getting a cleaner at the minute – I think it’s money well spent when you’re able to relax knowing that the essentials are done. #postsfromtheheart

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  8. I am so pleased to hear someone else say this. I have always maintained that my job as a stay at home parent is to look after my children and nurture them emotionally, intellectually, socially, etc, in the same way that a nursery nurse would if I had sent them to preschool instead. Is the nursery nurse expected to mop the floors and scrub the toilets as well as looking after the children in her care? Nope! They have a cleaner for this. Whilst we can’t afford a cleaner, it does help me to feel less guilty about the housework if I remind myself of this analogy. Hubby and I both pitch in on the housework because we both consider ourselves to have full-time jobs (it’s just that mine happens to be a full-time job that I do from home) #triumphanttales

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  9. I’m a WAHM and bring in my own little chunk of money – granted not much but every little helps. I do the majority share at home – washing, tidying and cooking but hubby has his jobs too. The cat litter tray, the bins, the dishes etc. The rest we share depending on how much either of us are in the house. It works for us….. #HumpDayLinky

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  10. When Rev T stayed at home we both mucked in to get the chores done. Sometimes one of us did a bit more, other times the other one. It’s all about team work and getting stuff done. As long as every one is happy with how things are working, it’s no problem.

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  11. Some people don’t realise just how much work goes into parenting. We share the chores too.
    #TriumphantTales

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  12. #Postfromtheheart before I forget πŸ™‚ Yeah, lowering my expectations was a good advice for me too. I had no option but to become a SAHM when we adopted our children and 14 months in I am still at home, trying to make the most of it πŸ™‚

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  13. Oh it is hard work. I never have time to get half the stuff done I need to. I work mornings, so don’t even have that part of the day to attempt any chores. I have seriously considered getting a cleaner. And now I am again! Hmm. Watch this space. Thanks so much for linking up to #TriumphantTales – hope to see you again on Tuesday!

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  14. This is so close to my own heart as i am going to be a WFHM starting next week and my husband will be taking over some of my bills while i set my business up. I hope my husband doesnt try and pull rank with me or i will be chasing him with a broom stick #PostsFromTheHeart

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